


Thank You, Again

by RavenTyrs



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Multi, Souled Vampire(s), Vampire Bites
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-02-25 21:39:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13221771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenTyrs/pseuds/RavenTyrs
Summary: Takes place during Season 5 of Angel, episode "You're Welcome".  Cordelia makes her goodbyes and is ready to leave.  Well, as ready as she can be, but Angel throws a wrench into the plans and a shared memory of the fanged four may hold the key to saving them all from Wolfram and Hart.





	1. Wake Me Up

**Author's Note:**

> Words: 2.874  
> Chapters: 1 of 16

It had been a long day, but a good day.  Angel felt more himself than he had in a long time.  Cordelia was back, they had defeated Lindsey and saved Doyle’s name.  He felt like he’d actually done something.  For too long he had gotten trapped in the business end of things here at Wolfram and Hart that he forgot what it was to actually be part of the fight.  To finish the day with a talk, was good.  It was, tinged with more regret than he liked, but in the end, Cordelia restored him to himself.  He would get back on his path, he would find his shanshu and he would make a difference.  Just as they had said they would in the beginning.

_“I, uh… just wish I could be there to see it.”_

_  
_ Cordelia’s words seemed to echo in his mind and he felt his chest contract. He had just gotten her back, she had been right, he needed saving, more, he needed her. She was his heart, she was their heart. Everything had gone wrong from the time he let her go. No, he realized it wasn’t that he’d let her go, he’d sent her away. He had thought he was being selfless, sending her off with Groo so she could be happy. What it was, was cowardice.  Rather than discuss their feelings, what had happened at that ballet so long ago, he would send her off. It had all gone wrong after that. Hadn’t they just discussed that?  The missed chances?  Now that he had hope again, now that he knew he could get back on track he was not going to lose her again.  His head came up and he stared at her, willing her to look him in the eye.

  
_“What do you mean? You’re not…”_  He couldn’t even finish the thought.

  
This was breaking her heart. Cordelia would have done anything to stay. Well, almost anything. It probably would have been an option, but it was more important to her to save Angel. The choice given was simple, at least for her.  She couldn’t let him continue down this path. It hurt to watch her friends slowly falling to paperwork and becoming consumed, absorbed, by the Senior Partners.  So in the end, she’d give up everything for him, for a chance to save him.. Part of her realized she had already made that choice, long ago.  Her eyes lifted to his and she tried for a sad smile.

  
_“I can’t stay. This isn’t me anymore. You can say good-bye to the gang for me, explain everything once you understand.”_ She prayed he did understand.

  
She couldn’t mean it. She wasn’t leaving them, him.  Now now.  He could feel his demon rising, the animal like urge to keep her. She was the only one that accepted him as he was. She loved him, he knew it, all of him. What he was, what he could be, and she didn’t try to dismiss what he had been. It spoke to his demon as much as his own unbeating heart. His demon growled, wanting to claim her if it would keep her there. He pushed it down, knowing that wasn’t the way and walked over to her.  Staring down with his hands shoved in his pockets.

  
_“That’s gonna be never. I’ll never understand you leaving. I need you.  Here.  Now.”_  Flowery words weren’t going to work and he was no good at them.  So he went for straight truth.

  
She couldn’t do this. She thought she could, but now that she had to say good bye she knew she couldn’t. She couldn’t do this and survive, her soul was being ripped in half. Everything had been for him, and now, now when they could possibly have a chance, she had to leave?  Shaking her head she went to stand up, trying to take a step back from him and finding she couldn’t. Silently she cursed the Powers. They should have known.  About Jasmine, about her ascension about everything. It shouldn’t have come to this. It wasn’t anger for herself, it was the feeling they had abandoned their champion, they had put Angel in this position and while she would do anything to get him back on track, hadn’t she just proven that, she shouldn’t have had to.

  
_“Don’t make it hard, Angel. I’m just on a different road… and this is my off-ramp. The Powers That Be owed me one, and I didn’t waste it. I got my guy back on track.”_   She smiled again, a false smile but it was all she could do to try and convince him.  

  
_“Cordy, there’s just—”_  So much to say, he couldn’t get it out.  It was stuck, like a knot in his throat.

  
She knew what he wanted to say, she knew it and hoped he knew she felt the same. The only problem was, she couldn’t bear to hear it. She just couldn’t. Not now. She took that step then, but towards him, close enough to feel him, she always could. He didn’t have heat coming off of him, he didn’t breathe so there was no breath on her, but she felt him, as real and solid as anything else. No, more so. He had always  been more real to her than anything else.  While he might have held onto her to ground himself, he had always been grounding her.  Lifting a hand she cupped his face and tried for a smile.

  
_“We take what we can get, champ, and we do our best with it. I’ll be seeing you.”_

_  
_ There, she did it. She said good bye. It was probably the best performance of her life, and she was never prouder of how stoic she was being. Turning she headed for the door. She knew within three steps that she’d never make it and shook her head, the tears threatening to spill. Turning she rushed towards him.

  
_“Oh, what the hell. One for the road? ”_

_  
_ She was leaving him, and he couldn’t stop her. She wouldn’t let him. He would have told her, everything. Laid his heart and soul out for her, let her know that he couldn’t be here without her. That his Shanshu meant nothing, without her, but she wouldn’t let him. Knowing that it would have changed everything. Part of him wanted to blame her for that. What was so important that she had to leave him? Whatever it was, he knew she wouldn’t be leaving if it wasn’t important, he had faith in that. Even as he fought to stay still, to not follow her.  His entire body had tensed with the need to stop her.  Then she turned and his arms opened for her before she even got there. A flicker of hope that she was staying, though he knew that wasn’t it.  It was meant to be a goodbye kiss he knew it the moment their lips touched, but he refused to let it be just that. He put everything he had into the kiss. Every emotion and need, every missed chance, every unspoken word.  He was hoping, praying silently to the powers that it was enough. If he’d done anything right in his long life, they wouldn’t take her from him.  Not this time. 

  
He didn’t hear the phone, filtering it out of his mind, wanting this moment to be forever. She pulled back and then he heard it, seeing her glance to the desk.

  
_“You know, um… I don’t…I don’t need to get that.”_ He tried, hoping to somehow just sink back into each other, to make the moment an eternity.

  
She knew what it was as soon as she heard it. It was her cue. The Powers reminding her that her time was up. She’d obey, she’d leave, she had done what she came to do, they had held up their end of the bargain. She was still planning on giving them an earful when she got backt, however.  They may not understand human emotion, but they were going to get a crash course. Stepping back she smiled sadly, giving her hands something to do seemed imperative and so she fixed his lapel.

  
_“That you have to get.”_ She swallowed.

  
He looked down at her, a feeling of dread like nothing he’d ever felt flooded him. He couldn’t let go of her, he was sure if he did, she was lost to him. The moment he let her out of his arms, she would be gone.  She was already pulling back and reluctantly he let go of her to get the phone. That quickly she had moved to the door, watching him.

  
_“Oh… and you’re welcome.”_  She whispered, and was gone.

*************

There was light, blinding both eye and soul, and she closed her eyes against it, until finally she had become a part of it again.  Cordelia looked down at herself, she wasn’t wearing the white gown she had been the first time or even the second time she met up with the Powers. She was in that stupid hospital gown from Wolfram and Hart. With a frown she looked up to see them standing across from her. Quietly watching and boy did she have plenty to say to them.  Her hands went to her hips and she narrowed her eyes at the twins, who seemed more interested in the water bowl in front of them.

  
_“Someone want to explain? I did what you said, I didn’t tell him about me, at least not the truth, and I got him back on track. So now what? Or was that goodbye punishment enough for me? Look I get that emotions might be foreign to you guys, but they are a lot more dangerous than you think.  And you shouldn’t be just, just, playing with them!”_

_  
_ **_“You are not being punished. You are being rewarded.”_ **

**_  
_ ** _**“You both are.”** _

**_  
_** The look of confusion was quickly replaced by a narrowing of the eyes.  She knew better.  These two had an odd idea of punishment and reward.  They had weird ideas on a lot of things.  Not to mention the fact that they still hadn’t looked up at her.  That’s when it hit her.  They were keeping an eye on Angel, she took a step towards them, hands falling to her sides.

  
_“You didn’t believe I could do it! That’s it isn’t it?  You thought he was too far gone!”_

_  
**“There was concern that the champion had gone too far off his path.”** _

**_  
“However we granted your request that you try and reach him.”_ **

**_  
_** Finally they looked up at her.  The unmoving and emotionless looks she had grown accustomed to, though still didn’t like.  Her own face fell into a look of surprise, that quickly morphed into one of anger.

_  
” **My**  request? Excuse me, but you owed me, big time! As a matter of fact I would say you still owe me! If you had a little more faith in your champion he wouldn’t have gotten so far off track!“_

_  
_ She had been trapped, given little to no choice to what happened.  Not to her friends, not to Angel and definitely not to what happened to her own body and soul!  It was a violation and allowing her 24 hours as some solid spirit thing in order to at least give her friends a chance wasn’t some favor!  It was, to her mind, a crumb of what she deserved.

  
**_"We realize this. We also heard his request.”_ **

**_  
“And we have granted it.”_ **

**_  
_** Cordelia blinked, his request?  Who he?   Wait, they must mean Angel, but, what request did Angel have time to make?  She was thoroughly confused and opened her mouth to ask but then there was a hand on her head and she felt weak, tired. Images flooded her mind and a whisper that she would understand, given time, and then just like that, it was gone. She drifted back into the void.

  
The light had receded, she remembered that, there had been nothing but darkness, and images flying through her brain.  Yet now there was some light battering at her eyelids. She felt groggy, still not fully in her own body and with a groan she raised her hand to cover her eyes.  It was almost impossible, her arm felt like it was leaden, like she didn’t have the strength she needed. Slowly she blinked and opened her eyes. Above her were lights, bright lights, and she felt sick. Shouldn’t heaven be nice or something? Maybe a beach but not this! It looked like, the ceiling, in the hospital. Realization dawned on her and she tried to sit up, but suddenly there was a nurse there pushing at her, trying to get her to lay back down. She panicked and pulled at the IV, another nurse was there and suddenly she was overwhelmed, people talking over each other, to her, and she felt weak and sick. She had to get out of there.  Was it a reset?  Did she have to do the whole day over??  She couldn’t, she didn’t have the strength.  The doctor entered and frowned as he came over and sat on the edge of her bed.

  
_“Ms. Chase! Please! I have called Mr. Angel and he is on his way.”_   It was the worst thing he could say.  

  
_“What? Angel? No no no no nononono! He can’t see me like this! I’m not supposed to be here!”_

_  
_ She renewed her attempt to disconnect herself, the doctor barking orders to get a sedative and a nurse trying to quickly take care of the IV before blood went everywhere. He didn’t understand, how could he, she didn’t!  She was confused, panicked she knew but she had said goodbye! She had done what she was supposed to and she had made her exit. A pretty damn good one too! She pulled at the thin sheet and blanket to try and get up but found she could barely move her legs. The flurry around her died and she stiffened then slowly looked up.

*************

Angel glanced back and found Cordelia gone. His eyes closed in pain. It hadn’t been enough,  _he_  hadn’t been enough.

  
_“Thank you.”_   He whispered, hoping somehow, she could hear him.  His attention back to the phone.

  
_“Yes? Yes I’m here.  Wait, what?  But she was just here, I… ”_

_  
_ Confusion furrowed his brow but as the words sunk in, the truth hit him and he looked around his office.  He couldn’t smell her in the office anymore, not even the lingering scent she had seemed to leave everywhere she went.  There was nothing to say she had been there, nothing on the chair to say someone had sat there, nothing.  She wasn’t there, it hadn’t been real.  Not really.

  
_“I’ll be right there.”_  He growled and hung up, leaving his office.

  
Angel rushed down to the med bay, Cordelia had shown signs of waking up they said. Which made no sense since she had just been there with him! He still didn’t understand what was going on but he was getting a clearer picture. She must not have woken up, or she had died and come back. It wasn’t his first time getting a visit from someone that shouldn’t be around anymore, so he knew that her goodbye was not her choice. That her time had been limited, again.  Which also meant if she was waking up, truly waking up, he was going to make sure no one and nothing was taking her away again. He had pushed through the nurses and luckily by the time he got to the room they knew enough to let him through. He stopped, everything stopped. There she was in the bed, she’d never actually gotten up. She couldn’t have because the Cordelia he was looking at was not the one he’d spent the day with. She was thinner, weaker. He could see bags under her eyes like bruises, her cheeks hollowed out, her hair a mess. Still, he couldn’t believe she was still there. He could smell her, hear her heartbeat and frantic breathing.  Her eyes slowly raising to his and he could read the confusion and the fear in them.

  
_“Uh, hey.”_  She tried.  She had no idea what was going on, and was afraid to even take the chance that they would see each other, only to be torn apart again.

  
_“Hey.”_ He breathed. 

 It was real, how could he have thought what happened before was real?  Her smell, it was here, as well as the smells of the hospital.  The smell of death receding even as he noticed it.  Walking slowly to the bed the doctor got up, motioned to the others to back away.  Angel barely noticed them as he sat down in the place the doctor had vacated. His eyes never left her, he didn’t dare.  Afraid she would disappear again.  Lifting a hand to her face, he brushed hair behind her ear and then slowly smiled. This was real, she was real and solid.  Pulling her into a hug he let out a shuddering breath, the first he’d taken in so long. His words coming out thick and low as he held her.

  
_“They heard me, thank you. Thank you.”_


	2. More Questions Than Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words: 2,648  
> Chapters: 2 of 16

It took a moment for the words to settle in. By that time the doctor and nurses had left the room, leaving her in the arms of a vampire that had yet to learn that people, had to breathe. She wriggled but he didn't let go, if anything he seemed to tighten his arms around her.

_"Um, Angel, need to breathe. Angel? Angel!"_

Finally he pulled back and gave a kind of apologetic smile, his hands still on her upper arms. _"Sorry, I just, needed to make sure you were, here. You are here right? To stay?"_

She shook her head, she wasn't supposed to be, but the last few minutes seemed a little confusing. Her eyes darted around and she tried to raise an arm to run it through her hair. Before she could remember, much of anything really, she remembered what he said and her eyes went wide. _"Angel, what do you mean they heard you? What did you do?"_ Panic was threading through her voice. 

_"Do?"_ Now Angel was confused. He hadn't done anything. She had. She had come back. Then she left. Or wasn't really there, he still wasn't entirely sure, but now she was back again. Awake. Alive. 

Frustrated she smacked at his arm, her brow lowering. She had heard him, and the PTB. He said they heard him, they said they had heard him. So it had to be him! He did this! Except she knew these things always cost, and cost dearly. She knew that all too well. _"To bring me back! Damn it Angel if you made some deal with the devil. . . "_

He almost wanted to smile. It was definitely her, already laying into him rather than just being happy that she was alive. He didn't notice the goofy grin until she smacked at his arm again. Then he frowned and let her arms go to rub at the spot. Not that it hurt, but really, who hit people? _"Ow! All right all right. I didn't do anything. Exactly. I just, "_ How did he explain? That he silently wished for her, that he had poured his soul into it, hoping that someone would hear. He could tell she wasn't buying it and somehow he felt incredibly idiotic to believe that he did this, that he had somehow made a difference. Lying wouldn't help though, it never did. Lowering his gaze he answered, quietly. _"It was when you kissed me. I, was praying to the powers that you could stay. I knew that was a good bye kiss and I thought, if I asked, if I showed them I needed you, they'd have to let you stay."_

Her face fell, her glare dissolving quickly and her eyes filled. Was that what they meant? His request? She lifted a hand to his face. Waited for his eyes to meet hers. _"Angel."_ She didn't have a chance to finish, to let him know that he didn't need her, but that she needed him. Instead, on a sharp inhale of breathe her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she felt arms around her. It was different, not the kind of pain she'd had in the beginning but not the easy glowing visions she was used to. As a matter of fact the only thing she recognized was that she could feel, absolutely everything. Her eyes were pure white, head snapped back, body tense, every muscle stretched and her mouth dropped open into a silent scream. The vision rode her hard and fast. Images, feelings, almost like memories. Angel could feel it come, he had gotten used to feeling them, this sparkle of energy before they hit her and he had grabbed her arms again. She wasn't seizing but she wasn't glowing, her eyes. . . He reached up to grab her face, stroke her cheek, but it was still going, it had never gone this long before had it? He pulled her close and grabbed for the button summoning the nurses. Finally she went limp in his arms and he laid her back in the bed. 

_"Cor? Cordy look at me."_ He continued stroking her hair from her face, her eyes were fading back to their honey brown and staring unseeing so he tried to get her to look at him, to come back to herself. Except she was drained, it was, so much. She'd never felt anything like it, like she was pulled from her body and floating high above as scene after scene played out. She closed her eyes slowly and sighed. Opening them again, she reached for him, hands grabbing the front of his jacket. She saw the doctor, the nurses and shook her head. She couldn't, she wouldn't, trust these people. Anyone here at Wolfram and Hart. Fear of them finding out what she'd seen, even though she had yet to make sense of it, sparked bright through her. _"No, no I'm fine. I have to get out of here. Can we, um, can we leave?"_ She saw his face, saw the look and pulled out her last weapon, wide eyes begging. Finally he sighed and turned to the doctor. 

_"She's ready to leave."_ he stated simply. Not a request as much as an order. Something he grew too comfortable to giving since coming here. 

_"Oh she can't possibly! She's just woken up, we need to take some blood, run tests, physical therapy. . . "_ the doctor's words were falling over each other, he had a million ideas of what was going on, and what he needed to learn from it, of course they wouldn't let him do all he wanted to in order to find answers, but still, he needed time. 

_"She's leaving. She can come back and get check ups, but she, wants to go home."_ Angel spoke slowly, as if daring the doctor to go against his order this time. He glanced at Cordelia and got the nod he was waiting for. With a look back at the doctor, he gave his own glare. It was enough and the man left with a shaky nod and a mutter about paper work. Once the room had cleared again he looked back at Cordy, her eyes closed and face strained again. _"So? What was that? And don't tell me nothing, Cordelia. I've never seen you like that, not even when you first got the visions. I gave you my explanation so how about you return the favor?"_

She couldn't open her eyes, not just yet. There was so much. With a wince she sat up and ran a hand through her hair. His explanation wasn't exactly helpful but then again, when you were talking about the PTB, you never really got a good answer anyway. So she sighed and did the best she could. _"I- I don't know. I mean it Angel, I wish I knew but it was like, someone downloaded an entire library into my head, it's all jumbled up right now. I can't untangle it all."_

He nodded, but was obviously concerned, he had more questions than answers. Conceding that there was only so much he could do he tried for a smile. Sitting back down on the bed he covered her hand with his own and waited until she opened her eyes and looked at him again. _"How about, we get you out of here, into some real clothes and talk to Lorne? He might be able to answer both our questions."_ It was the best option either of them could think of. They were both relieved when she nodded and they could get ready to get out of there. Hopefully for good this time. 

******************************************************** 

It was more than an hour later when they had finally gotten the doctor to let her go and gotten her dressed. Unfortunately, she was in a wheel chair, which had her crossing her arms and glaring at Angel every time she tried to get up and he pushed her back down into. She was shaky, but was perfectly capable of walking. Unfortunately that didn't seem to matter much to Angel. She made up for it by taking her sweet time picking out her outfit. After all, she didn't have her mystical body that looked exactly as she had before the coma. Well almost exactly. Now she had a body that was too thin, even by her standards. Her face too pale, and hair, well don't get her started. She was most definitely going to need a hot oil treatment at the very least. 

They had chosen a conference room that Angel knew no one was using for awhile for the little meeting. Refusing to greet Lorne in the wheelchair when they both knew he'd have questions as it was, she hopped out as soon as they entered the room and walked to a seat. Angel had rushed forward as if she was some toddler unable to walk long. When she sat with a triumphant look he simply shook his head and moved the wheelchair out of the way. Lorne's entrance was difficult. He walked in with a smile and then his eyes roamed over Cordelia and his smile fell before he looked at Angel. Cordelia ducked her head and sighed. Lorne took a seat next to Cordelia, as directed and Angel stayed standing. 

_"It wasn't her. Before."_ Off her look Angel tried again. They had talked a bit on the way up and he understood a little more, so did she. They still had a lot more questions though. _"It was, just, not her body. She hadn't woken up. She's awake now and she's had a vision. Or something, and we think you can help figure it out."_ This felt odd, it was back like things used to be, but they had all gotten so used to Wolfram and Hart and how things worked there, their old skills for helping and dealing with visions were rusty at best. 

Lorne frowned, and looked distantly at her, as if trying to read her without the music. He must have seen something because he reached for her hand. _"Oh Princess, why didn't you tell us?"_

Cordy looked up confused as to what he was referring to, then it hit her and she let the tears fall. Shaking her head was answer enough and Lorne nodded. Thankfully, he had seen something. He knew she had no choice, and that unlike the others, she had known from the beginning that there was no other option but good bye. With a small smile he patted her hand. _"Okay, well you're here now. So let's see what's going on in that pretty little head of yours shall we?"_

Cordelia nodded and Angel gave Lorne a look. Part questioning, part upset. What had Lorne seen so quickly that he was missing? And why was no one telling him? Still, right now it was more important to find out what was going on with Cordelia, because he wasn't going to give up on her, not this time. His own guilt at how he had basically put her in the hospital, best doctors possible, and then left her there. He didn't visit, most of them didn't. Whether it was too hard or not, their reasons were selfish and he realized this. He crossed his arms and stood just to the side as Lorne flicked his arms to bring up his sleeves before putting his finger tips to her temples and Cordelia, for her part, closed her eyes and tried to relax. What actually happened Angel would never know. All he knew was what he saw. Looks of pain and concentration, shock and then all of a sudden there was a spark and both flew back into their chairs, eyes wide and confused. He grabbed for Cordelia's shoulders and crouched in front of her, looking back at Lorne then to Cordelia again. 

_"Cordy! Are you all right?"_

Cordelia nodded, she was trying to make sense of it all when she realized that Lorne was in front of her. She put a hand on Angel's arm but looked past him to Lorne. _"I'm, fine. I'm, Lorne? Oh my god, did I hurt you?"_

Lorne gave her a weak smile but shook his head as he rubbed at his temple. _"I'm fine, Princess. Totally my fault, I was trying to see a little more than I should have. I uh, would recommend we get everyone in here though. Before you start explaining that particular vision and, well, the rest."_

Angel's head snapped around to look at him. What more could there be? What more were they being asked to do now? _"The rest? What rest, what did you see Lorne?"_ Angel wanted answers and was not getting any. He looked at Lorne as if he'd hurt her and the green man sat back, hands up to show his innocence. He only stopped glaring when a hand squeezed Angel's arm and he looked up at Cordelia. 

_"He's right. We should get everyone. There was a vision, but, there's more. It's like the PTB just shoved all the information in at once and then a vision on top of it. But it's about you guys. It's about getting you out of here. Out of Wolfram and Hart."_ She explained softly. Angel nodded and went to make some calls, missing the look between Cordelia and Lorne. 

************************************************** 

There had been no time for explanations, they all simply believed Cordy had woken up this morning and everything was just back to business as usual. They all knew that wouldn't last long, but for now, it was the best they could do. Gunn filed in almost immediately and gave a small nod, a bit curious but saying nothing. Fred and Wesley followed. Wes staggered then sat down, unable to take his eyes off of Cordelia and wondering what had happened. It was when Spike, who had not been called by Angel, came in that things got awkward. The vampire stopped, sniffed then glared at Cordelia followed quickly by his sire. 

_"Oi! What's that then?"_ he barked as his hand pointed roughly at Cordelia. 

_"Now now Spike."_ Angel snapped. He hadn't even invited Spike and was still not thrilled by the vampire hanging about anyway. Spike just smirked and walked up to Cordy, bent and sniffed at her, ignoring the growl from his sire before he stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. 

_"Someone's been playin' wit' clones eh? This one's human ya know. Not a trace o' demon in 'er."_ He stated simply and went to the other end of the table to sit back and throw his feet up on the table itself. Everyone looked confused and Angel looked frightened and betrayed, glancing from Lorne to Cordelia. Lorne sighed and waved Spike to stay quiet. 

_"All right kiddies, let's all play nice and let the Princess explain. Or, I can begin?"_ He added as he looked at Cordelia. She was steadfastly keeping from looking right at Angel. They could feel the glare coming off of him. At an enthusiastic nod he sighed and turned to look at the table before a smile. _"Right, well, long story short, the Princess here's time was up. Thanks to her previous work she got a freebie, 24 hours. She wasn't allowed to tell us, and before anyone asks I didn't know it wasn't really her because I wasn't allowed to. Now she said her goodbyes but someone threw a wrench in the plans."_ There was a pointed look at Angel before he continued. _"She's back full time now as our little seer and yes, fully human."_

The room erupted, questions flung from all directions. Except for Spike who leaned back in his chair, feet up on the table, and suddenly disinterested in the whole mess. Angel was quiet, too quiet when he finally held up a hand to quiet everyone. His own mind had tried making sense of it all and only one thing was crystal clear. _"Human, the visions were killing her. Why would they do that?"_ He growled and Lorne floundered under his gaze. Cordelia licked her lips and reached up to poke him in the side. 

_"Hey, stop glaring at Lorne! First of all, he didn't do anything. You did. You asked and so they sent me back. The powers never offered to make me part demon before, that was all, well, her."_ She didn't want to talk about Jasmine, she didn't want to think about it. Being stuck watching and feeling unable to do anything had been bad enough. She sucked in a breath and looked around then back to Angel. _"I'm human but the visions aren't the same. You saw it. It was, confusing, but not painful. It has something to do with, being a seer. It's something different than just a person with visions."_

Wesley cleared his throat, when everyone's attention was again on him he offered a small smile to Cordelia. _"If I may? There has always been a difference in the literature I have found, between a seer and one with visions. A true seer is rare. Human most certainly, but, 'touched' is the word most often used. Touched by their god, or the spirits with the sight. If that is true, perhaps the powers simply, 'touched', Cordelia. Allowing her to wake up and capable of handling visions without damage?"_

Lorne grinned at Wes and relaxed under Angel's now more considering gaze. _"Bingo big man! She's perfectly human and perfectly safe. Well, as safe as any of us are here. And, she got a vision to help us all out here."_ He relaxed finally, thinking they were all now on the same page and could continue. 

_"Um, excuse me, but what do we need help with exactly?_ Gunn stated. He was ready to get back to work and while this was all interesting, it seemed to have nothing to do with his work. 

Gunn had changed the most and Cordelia knew this. It bothered her because she felt he would be the hardest one to convince. She looked up at Angel and smiled as he nodded and put a hand on her shoulder. Bolstered, she took a breath, _"Right well, how about the fact that you guys are working for the bad guys? And before you try and tell me you don't, think about it. The only good you do here is on their terms. You've lost the mission. All of you have. There are people out there that need you, and, well, this was all part of their plan. The Senior Partners, just like, like, me. I agreed to the demon deal, I agreed to ascending, and it all went downhill from there. But, I got a second chance."_ Here she looked up at Angel and reached up to squeeze his hand. She wasn't supposed to have this second chance, but she wasn't going to turn it down either. _"So now you guys are getting yours. I, well I'm not entirely clear on how it works, but I know the vision has the answers, it just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Not yet. But, maybe if I explain it might help? It's kind of, well, like a flashback?"_

Wesley took the lead of course, wondering about the vision. If he thought about it, he'd admit that he missed this. Them all together, working on a vision, a mission that they all believed in. Not that they didn't believe in what they were doing now, but they were all so separated. They weren't really a team anymore. The knowledge, the access to the books and prophecies at first had seemed amazing, now he just felt buried in the paperwork. He leaned forward, ready to find answers. _"A flashback, to what, exactly?"_

Cordelia bit at her lip and looked at Angel and then Spike. This wasn't going to be easy, for either of them. _"To Angelus. And Spike, and Darla, and. . . Drusilla."_

Spike was suddenly at attention, he pulled his feet down and glared at her. Wes looked worried and Angel tried to back away. He glared back at Spike. He didn't like this anymore than they did. Before it could get too out of hand, Lorne cleared his throat. _"Cordylicious is right, the answers are in there. That's all I can tell you though. Go ahead, Princess. Angelcakes, you need to sit for this."_ he added softly. He knew why Cordelia was reluctant and he knew the waters ahead were going to be choppy. Angel sat, reluctantly, and they all leaned in a bit more interested and worried as Cordy quietly began retelling what she saw, what she'd felt.


	3. But A Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words: 1,778  
> Chapters: 1 of 16

_It started simply enough. The vision, or memory. It was still so hard to tell which it really was. It started with some light humming and a tea party. The humming easily became singing and dancing. It would have been sweet, if it weren't for the blood. Spike found himself leaning back on the canopied bed, one foot on the floor the other on the bed as he smiled. He did so love to see his Drusilla enjoying herself. The tea party had been days long. Well, nights. After all, Darla and Angelus had been busy. There was something big coming, and you didn't need to hear the stars to know it. The house was taken over weeks ago, the bodies of the family drained. All except the little girl. Nine or so, she made a good friend for Dru to play with. The problem was, Dru wasn't the best at keeping her play things alive. She was hell on pets. They had sequestered Drusilla in the child's room. It was there the two of them had sustained themselves on one small child and waited._

_Spike chuckled as Dru dipped a finger in the congealing blood and licked it clean. Her eyes met his and he licked his lips. He was starving. One little girl was not enough to keep them for three days and whatever those two were planning it had better be worth it. He knew that Angelus felt this starving him served a purpose, reminded him of his place. All it really did was fire him up. He could get over on Angelus, he just needed a plan, and time. One thing Spike could do was was plan, and wait._

_**"Share a taste, luv?"** he purred at his sire. Oddly enough, though Drusilla sired him, he took care of her. Though she often returned the favor, in her own way. With a smile she glided over and held her hand out to him and he licked it clean. Congealed blood wasn't exactly satisfying, but for now it would do. _

_**"Playing nice are we?"**_

_Spike growled but didn't turn. Angelus always had a way of showing up when he least wanted him to. Especially as he still had more power over Dru then Spike himself did. Sure enough, Dru's eyes lit and Spike was forgotten again as she cooed at Angelus. Her body turned towards him, a pout on her beautiful face as she walked closer, a finger trailing over the hair of her former playmate. **"Tea party is over. She stopped to play with the stars and won't be back."** _

_Angelus stepped into the room, Darla just behind him. As he kept an eye on Dru, Darla's nose wrinkled in disgust at the room and she removed her gloves. Angelus spared a glance at Spke and smirked. Looking around, eyes landing on the broken body of the young girl. **"No she won't. Guess we'll have to get someone new for you to play with won't we?"** he spoke to her like she was a child. Lifting an arm for her he pulled her hand and spun her away from Spike sweeping her to his arms. He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her chin up so he could kiss her lightly, as he stared at Spike. A reminder that no matter what else Drusilla might be, she still belonged to Angelus. **"Feeling restless, William?"**_

_**"It's Spike."** He growled and got up pacing the length of the bed. **"Of course we're restless. Stuck here with leftovers while you two play, aren't we?"**_

_Darla sighed, she was tired of the two of them. Spike, as he preferred to be called now, and Angelus. Half the time she thought if they should just get a room and get it over with. At least then things would relax more. It wasn't that anyone was surprised by the dance the two did, it was that neither was willing to give up the power to the other that it continued. While she wasn't fond of Drusilla herself, breaking her had been fun. It was her constant childlike ramblings that were becoming annoying. Still, the girl knew her place, which was more than she could say for Spike. Drusilla was Angelus' childe, true, but she looked up to Darla. She knew that Darla was the head of this little family and behaved accordingly. Darla knew that if it came down to a power struggle, she could count Drusilla as hers. Even against Angelus. Luckily, that wasn't necessary. Sitting down on the winged back chair in the corner she leaned back and let a hand gesture limply to the side. **"Boys boys, please! We really don't have time for the foreplay. We have a party to attend!"**_

_Spike finally perked up at that. Drusilla clapped her hands happily and cooed. Angelus let his hold on her loosen but didn't let her wander far. His face told Spike that this was not news to him. So ignoring him for now, he focused on Darla. **"Party?"**_

_Darla grinned and looked to Angelus. She always made it look as though she deferred to him, allowing him the feeling of power kept him in line. It was something she'd taught Drusilla well. At least that was one thing the girl had picked up. Let the man think he is the one in charge, the one leading, and you could get him to do anything. Angelus bowed his head in deferment to her. Pleased she turned and held her arms out to Drusilla. **"Well, we have been invited to the Mayor's party. The rich and blue blooded will be there, and we, are going to have such fun!"**_

_Spike grinned as Dru slipped from Angelus' grasp to come to Darla. She hissed lightly and then cooed, nuzzling the mother of their little group as she fell to her knees in front of her. **" 'bout time we had some fun. Blow this joint after a good ol' fashioned blood bath!"**_

_Darla stroked Drusilla's hair and then sighed. Patting her lightly on the shoulder the two rose and Darla turned her back gesturing for Drusilla to help her out of the more complicated but obviously day dress so they could get ready for the party. For the women at least, such a change in attire would take awhile. Especially if they wanted it done right. Drusilla's long fingers worked easily at the ties and knots of the dress and slipped it from Darla's shoulders. She started to hum again, swaying a bit as words fell from her lips in a child's sing song tone. **"Mmmm, lovely party, so many stars will bleed, and Mummy will drink the slayer!"**_

_They all went still at that, though Drusilla continued her work. Angelus and Spike were suddenly very intent on Drusilla. Darla quickly shook her head at them, just slightly, and her eyes slid to Drusilla as she slipped from the dress and turned to face her again. She simply tilted her head and let the girl work on her bodice. A soft almost maternal smile as she touched the twisted vampire seer's chin to get her to look her in the eyes. **"A slayer? Well that is news. We've been working to get this invitation all week, I've not heard anything of a slayer pet."**_

_Drusilla sighed and stared up at Darla. Not looking her in the eye, a hand reached up to caress Darla's hair, eyes gone distant and voice still in a sing song. **"The light passes, from girl to girl, makes her blood sweet, bursting with stars. One light goes out, another lights. It lights tonight, but not for long. Mummy will snuff it out."**_

_Spike snuffed, and Angelus couldn't help be a bit jealous. The blood of a slayer was a badge of honor few if any vampires lived long enough to boast about. Oddly, no one thought that it would be anything different than what Drusilla was saying. They all knew when her nonsense meant something was true._

_**"Don' see why Darla gets t' be the one t' take the Slayer. Should be first come first drink if ya ask me."** Spike muttered. Unfortunately heard._

_**"No one asked you William. Best to keep your thoughts to yourself, boy."** Angelus snapped out at him._

_Just that quickly it happened. Darla sighed, she understood enough to know some poor girl was about to meet her destiny and death in one night. She thought briefly turning the girl, but it was dismissed quickly. Especially as Angelus was now staring down Spike. Their arguing was exhausting. Angelus quickly grabbed Spike by the back of the neck and turned him, fingers tightened in the youngest vampires blond locks as his face was shoved down to the small table. Cups and saucers breaking and scattering. **"I think you need a lesson in how to behave."**_

_Darla felt Drusilla curl up against her and whine. She smiled to herself, Darla knew how to control their boys. Undoing the laces on Drusilla's dress, more a child's dress, she let it fall leaving her pale and naked. Then taking Drusilla's hand she kissed along her wrist before sinking teeth. The smell of blood, fresh blood, got both the male vampire's attention, but Angelus still wasn't letting Spike up. Darla lifted her head and let the blood drip down the girl's wrist. Her own voice came out in a dark purr. **"Angelus, I wish to play before we ready for the party."**_

_Angelus paused, she saw his eyes darken with desire, but that quickly it was gone again. They turned yellow and he growled at her. **"Then play woman! I need to teach William some manners."**_

_Darla narrowed her eyes, she'd punish him for disobeying her later. For now she huffed and tugged the girl with her, leaving the boys to their fun. She had to think, think of a way to get those two to hate each other, without it overriding her power. Control over Angelus was something she refused to give up._

_**"Fine, we will be in the other room. I'll expect you all dressed by six so that we make the party in time. Angelus."**_

_There was a growl and a solid hitting sound that greeted her as she licked up the dripping blood and thought about the taste of a slayer and the party later that night._


	4. Facing Truths

_"I, think that's enough for now Princess."_ Lorne reached over and patted Cordelia's hand. He tried for a reassuring smile but the vision was anything but reassuring at this point. The entire room was suddenly uncomfortable. While everyone in the room was aware of Angel's past and Spike's, to be confronted with it was a different thing all together. As Cordelia spoke of the scene her voice would drift and the obvious enjoyment of the four vampires was evident, in a lilt, in a smile. Lorne had even seen her eyes change once. Cordelia gave him a thankful smile, shoulders slumped. She was exhausted. It wasn't just telling the vision, it was reliving it, and she did feel as though she'd lived it. An involuntary shiver went up her back and she swallowed. Wesley was the first to move, getting up from his seat and going to the pitcher to pour her a glass of water. The other's looked uncomfortable. Spike looked angry, sullen and glanced to Angel. Angel, had let go of Cordelia's hand the moment she mentioned his demon half. His eyes down and face set in anger. He glanced up, feeling Spike's look and shook his head once in warning. Spike didn't need it. He might have bragged about being a champion now, having a soul, saving the world, but the truth was he was entirely aware how close he was, at any moment, of going back. The stark reminder was the last thing he'd needed. As Wesley sipped at the water he thought. Setting the glass aside he poured another for Cordelia and brought it over to set in front of her as he cleared his throat. He kept to the side so he could keep an eye on her as he questioned her.

_"So, there is more to the vision?"_ Wes knew there was a lot of tension, but he also knew that if this was an answer for them, they needed to know everything and figure out what it meant for them. Cordelia simply stared at the water for a moment then nodded. Her voice came out resigned. 

_"Oh yeah, there's, the party. "_

Wes caught Angel's look and glanced away. He understood this being uncomfortable for him, but if it was a vision, then they needed to know all of it. Frowning he backed up so he could see everyone and crossed his arms as he thought. _"We, won't get into that right now then. You said this vision was different. How so?"_

_"Wes. I don't think she needs to go over this right now."_ Angel's voice was clipped, as if he wasn't sure he wanted anyone to realize he was still there. Cordelia put a hand on Angel's. She knew he wasn't thrilled with this, but he had to trust that they could handle it. She tried to offer him a reassuring smile of her own but he just pulled his hand away and crossed his arms. Setting the glass down she turned to Wesley. She'd be professional she could do that. 

_"It's fine."_ she began. On hearing her own voice hitch she swallowed and raised her chin in defiance of it. _"Well, when I first got the visions it was all mind numbing head splitting pain. You know, the usual split the skull and poor in molten lava stuff. Then after it didn't hurt, not the same way anyway. It was like just seeing something on a film, but with all my visions, I could feel the victim. I'd feel their pain and fear, it wouldn't go away until you guys saved them. It felt like, it had to happen. The pain I mean, and part of getting the visions was not just stopping them, but giving someone else the pain. Me."_

_"What?!"_ There was surprise in the question, but more there was anger. Cordy winced, she'd never explained that part before and Angel was not happy with the revelation. _"You never told us that. You never said it didn't go away."_

_"Never told ya she was dyin' either now did she?"_ Spike snapped off sullenly. 

Just as quickly, Angel's head snapped up and he retorted. _"Shut up Spike!"_

Wesley stepped in, to a grateful Cordelia. Raising his hands he glowered down at them both. It was obvious that just what they already heard was causing problems and Wes could only guess what was yet to come. Especially if it was sending the two vampires into frenzy already. _"Could we please stay on topic here? Go on Cordelia."_

With a lick to her bottom lip she tried again to sound clinical. As though she was simply reading a report. _"Right, well, this time, I didn't feel the victim. Er, victims. I don't think anyway. "_

_"How do you mean?"_ Wes prodded. 

_"The party, I would think I'd feel the victims at the party but instead I, I felt everyone else."_ She realized what she was saying and stumbled on it, careful not to look at Angel. Spike's eyes snapped up, a quick worried look at Angel. Angel held up a hand to quiet him and touched her shoulder. 

_"Everyone who, Cor?"_

He was trying, but she knew her answer would only upset him more. _"You. Well, Angelus, and Spike, Darla, Drusilla. I, I felt everything they felt at the time. Thought, everything they thought. It, it was like, watching it from four different points of view at once."_ Her hands fluttered up and her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out how to explain it. 

Fred's eyes sparkled and she sat up quickly exclaiming, _"Split Screen!"_

Cordelia turned to Fred and grinned. _"Exactly!"_ The two stared at each other a few minutes, their obvious happiness to find some way to connect, even over something as simple as split screen, giving way to a softer smile of finally feeling things were coming back together. They had both missed each other, if only for the camaraderie that two women taking care of this group of men. Lorne stood up and stretched then reached for the glass of water, took a sip, made a face and set it back down. 

_"Well kiddies, I think that's all she wrote for the night. I suggest we all get some sleep before we reconvene. You might want to look into the history of visions and true seers, as well as that Drusilla chickie. Trust me."_ With a pat to Wesley's shoulder Lorne headed out. He needed a drink. The vision took quite a bit out of him and he couldn't imagine what it did to Cordelia. Wesley narrowed his eyes but nodded. He knew asking wouldn't get him any answers as to why but assumed it had more to do with what he saw during the vision and what was to come. 

Pushing from the wall Wes smiled weakly. _"Well, I think perhaps the best way to start would be research. Anyone interested?"_

Gunn shook his head and stood, as did Spike. _"Sorry, I have several briefs I'm behind on as it is. This took up enough of my night. Er, no offense Cordy."_

_"Yeah mate, I'm thinkin' a drink. Not much for the book stuff."_ Spike shoved hands deep into his duster. 

_"I'll help."_ Fred stood up and smiled back with a shrug. _"It's been awhile since we had an old fashioned research party."_ Fred and Wes exchanged furtive glances that quickly turned to blinks of confusion when Cordelia also volunteered. 

_"I can help, Wes."_ All eyes suddenly turned to Cordelia as if they forgot she was there. Mouths opened to protest but Angel was quicker than the rest as he stood and went to get the wheel chair. 

_"No, you are going to bed to rest."_

_"I am **NOT** going back to that creepy Stephen King hospital you all set up in here. Forget it!"_ She exclaimed as she went to push herself up from the table. Wesley and Fred knew a losing battle when they saw one and slipped out of the room, talking on their way down the hall about what to order for food during this research party. Spike just sneered then thought better of it and tilted his head towards the door as he stared at Angel. 

_"Oi, need t' talk t' you a minute."_ Heading out to the hall, he missed Cordy's grin. Angel stopped the chair next to her and gave her a look before pointing to it. The order clear, be in it when I get back. He headed to the hall and crossed his arms as he turned towards Spike and lowered his voice. 

_"What, Spike."_

_"Don't play stupid with me, poof! What he asks."_ Spike muttered almost to himself as he raised a hand to run through his hair nervously. 

_"Look, we don't know why she got that vision . . . "_

_"But we do don' we?"_ Spike interrupted. _"We know exactly why, or we can get a pretty good damn guess! Don' tell me you don' remember that li'l party? "_

_"Of course I do."_ Angel bit off his words, and Spike smiled then leaned in closer. 

_"Yeah? The one before, or after?"_ He growled, taking some of his own nervousness out in making Angel nervous. 

_"Both."_ he retorted simply, refusing to rise to the bait. _"Look, this is as uncomfortable for me as it is for you, but if the powers sent it, then it's important."_

Spike snorted and reached for a smoke. Lighting it he glanced up and looked over Angel's face. _"Yeah, well who says it's them that sent it? Best be findin' out."_

The thought hadn't occurred to Angel but he nodded. It wouldn't be the first time her visions had been replaced, or circumvented, or even possessed. With that their conversation over, Spike turned and headed out while Angel turned back to make sure Cordy had gotten in the chair. She hadn't. 

*********************************************************** 

Wesley was actually glad that it was just the two of them doing the research. He had enjoyed watching Fred blossom here. While the rest of them seemed to be overwhelmed, she was right at home. In her element really, it only reinforced for him how brilliant she was, and added to the guilt that perhaps they had done her a disservice letting her stay with them rather than go back to school. Of course, there was still that attraction and it had, as unrequited as it seemed to be, only grown and spread into a contentment to be around her. He shook his head and grabbed some books to set down at the table in his office. _"The books here might make this quicker, but I am reluctant to use anything of the firm's."_

_"Ya think it might be a bad thing if they find out about Cordy an' her visions?"_ It honestly hadn't occurred to Fred, since they had been fine with Cordelia being here all this time. Albeit in a diminished capacity. Wesley nodded and sat with a sigh. Fred could see that Wesley wasn't taking care of himself, he was tired, hadn't shaved and worry creased his face. _"Do you, really think we should leave? Here I mean?"_

_"I do."_ he replied. _"As much as I've learned, and believe me the library here is nothing like I have ever seen, I, don't feel the same as I did before. Before, as frustrating as things might have gotten I was secure in the knowledge that I was making a difference. I was on the right side of this fight. Now, I don't feel like I'm even in the fight."_ He smiled weakly and Fred paused, she was unsure how to feel. 

_"I, miss this. Ya know, researchin' like we used to. I kinda miss the Hyperion too. I really miss Gunn too."_ Wesley reached for her hand and squeezed it. She smiled and covered his hand with her other one. He knew that they had been dating and that yes it had ended before coming here, but to him, it was clear she still had feelings for him. 

_"I am sorry."_ he replied softly. 

_"I know. Well, I think he's, happier here. I'm thinking, he might be the only one."_ Fred admitted. The truth was, she was over Gunn. She wasn't in love with him, but he would always be important to her, and always be family. Their eyes met and they realized then, just how unhappy they all were. It had happened so slowly, so smoothly it had just felt like it was natural. It was anything but. Their faces registered a myriad of emotions and ended on something akin to resolve. A shared nod and their hands slid apart as they each took to a book. 

******************************************************** 

Angel had his arm around her waist. He had forgotten, somehow, what arguing with Cordelia Chase was like. It was a no win situation was what it was. She was not getting in the wheelchair, but she conceded she was tired. So the best option was to take the elevator only a few feet away in his office that went straight to his apartments. She was more than capable of standing for that short period of time. She was also more than capable of reminding him of it. He had noticed she was still wobbly, and once the elevator moved, as smooth as it was, she had gripped the side and he held her up. All right so that was part of it. Another part was that he still had a hard time believing she was there. The fact that she had stiffened then finally relaxed and leaned into him, her head fitting into his shoulder was just a bonus. Just before they arrived at the apartment he dipped his head to take in her smell. Caught, she lifted her head to look at him and he froze. 

_"Dork."_ she muttered into a smile. 

Her smile pulled one from him and he relaxed. It was so natural and normal, the rest was forgotten, for now anyway. Doors opened and he didn't remove his arm, instead leading her into his apartments. He hadn't realized he'd be nervous about it. She looked around and laughed lightly. _"What?"_ he asked nervously. 

_"You. This place. It's Brood central! All dark furniture and big and intimidating. Seriously would some color kill you?"_ She turned towards him, his arm sliding along her waist and he reached for her chin. Lifting it to kiss her softly. It was a quick kiss, maybe not entirely chaste, but not demanding. She blinked up at him, eyes wide and mouth forming a soft 'O'. _"What, was that for?"_ her voice came out barely a whisper. 

_"What?"_ He still hadn't removed his hand from her chin and was simply waiting there in front of her, holding her. 

_"Angel, you kissed me."_ she stated, as if trying to remember if that was really what happened. They both seemed to be in a bit of a daze. 

_"You kissed me first."_ His response was almost pouty and she frowned, putting her hands on her hips. 

_"That was different that was. . . "_ she stuttered to find a way to explain exactly what it was. 

" _A good bye. I know."_ he interrupted. His voice was soft, he knew what it was, even if he still didn't understand the whole situation. _"Maybe I didn't want to say goodbye."_

_"Angel. . ."_ He could tell she was gearing up for something and probably a reason this wasn't appropriate, and he didn't want to hear it. 

_"No, I have something to say, and this time Cor, you are going to keep your mouth shut and let me say it."_ Her eyes went from shock to indignation and the fact that he was growling at her made her go immediately on the offensive. She opened her mouth to tell him off when he raised a hand. _"Cordy, I swear if you don't shut up."_

_"Pfft!"_ she retorted. Now they were arguing. Arguing! And he was growling at her! She crossed her arms looked back, and stepped to the couch, flopping down and crossing her legs to glare at him. Daring him to continue. Angel let out his own frustrated breath and ran a hand through his hair. This was not going at all like he wanted it to. Why did she have to make things so difficult? 

_"Do you remember the ballet?"_ he started. Stopping, he turned to look at her. Confusion replaced anger and he figured that had to be a step up. So he continued. _"That night, I realized something really important. I realized, I was in love with you. I let you go, though. Because of Groo. Because I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to have a life, something I couldn't give you. And, because I was scared. But you loved me too, didn't you? That's all I saw, when you were trying to tell me goodbye. All the times we were so close to saying it, to telling each other, and one of us got scared. Or both of us. But nothing, I mean nothing, scared me more than that kiss."_

Her eyes followed him and teared up, she was, confused, and happy and hurt and had no idea what to do. Her hands slipped down to her lap and she stared at them. _"Gee thanks."_ she muttered. Not actually offended but not sure how else to respond. 

He growled then and walked over to sit in the chair opposite her, pulling it closer to grab her hands. _"It scared me because it was goodbye. I could feel it, feel you pulling away and there was nothing I could do about it. I thought, if I could show you, show them, how much I needed you, then you'd stay. And here you are. I'm not going to be scared anymore. No, that's not right. I'm still scared, I'm just, not going to use it as an excuse anymore. Are you?"_

Her jaw flexed and she sniffed, blinking back any tears and her first instincts of yelling at him, continuing to argue about who was scared when and more. Instead she sighed and felt her body relax. At this point, what was the worst that could happen by relaxing and being honest? Finally, fully honest? _"When did you get so wordy?"_

_"When it mattered."_ he answered, almost as if he just realized the answer himself. 

_"Angel, what about –"_ she started. 

Afraid she was going to try and find excuses again he stopped her, _"If you say Buffy I swear Cor, "_

She smiled. Not that the thought hadn't crossed her mind, but it wasn't where she was going. _"I was going to say, what about you?"_

He blinked confused. Hadn't he just explained how he felt? In much more detail than he normally discussed anything? _"What about me?"_

Shaking her head she pulled one hand away and reached up to cup his face. _"You said you wanted me to have a life, that you can't give me. What about you? There's things, I can never give you."_

He was surprised, but then he realized he shouldn't be. He reached up to grab her hand and kissed the palm. _"I'm willing to give it a try if you are. I know, that we can't have a normal relationship, a normal life, but. . . "_

_"Angel,"_ she interrupted, _"You're a vampire with a soul. Champion of the Powers currently working for the big evil and I'm a , a "_ she stuttered raising a hand to gesture about, still not entirely sure what she actually was. 

_"Human seer, formally a half demon, ascended higher power?"_ He offered. Sadly, he was serious, no joking and incredibly accurate. She grinned and gave a small laugh. 

_"Exactly. So what about us is normal? I can deal."_ Cordelia shrugged, as if it were truly that simple, and for her it was. She had always been one to simply accept and deal. After all, no point in lamenting what wasn't or being a cry-Buffy about things. 

_"Good. Then so can I."_ He stood up and pulled her to standing as well, arm going around her waist again as he walked towards another room. 

_"Uh, Angel, where are we going?"_ she asked wondering if he forgot about the whole curse thing and was suddenly moving a lot faster than either of them was ready for. 

_" **You** are going to lay down. You're exhausted. Don't worry there's two bedrooms."_ he added before she could ask. 

****************************************************************************** 

Fred stood up bouncing on the balls of her feet. _"Ohhhh, Ohhh! What's that word? Um the one you use when you find it?"_

Wesley looked up and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. He was already starting to see words blurring together with so far no real information, so was less enthused just yet. _"Er, Eureka?"_

_"Yes! Eureka! Eureka!"_ she smiled and raised the book, pointing to a passage that he couldn't see from his spot in the chair. Wes stood and came around to look at the book she was reading, his face fell. 

_"Oh dear."_ he muttered, taking the book from her and setting it down as he went over the passage again. 

Fred, who had simply been excited to find anything pertinent then looked over his shoulder and gave it another full read. _"It's, not a good Eureka is it?"_ she realized. 

_"We need to find Angel. And Spike. Most likely."_ he added, not entirely thrilled with the idea. 

Fred sighed and sat down. Wesley put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. _"It's very helpful Fred, just not the best news."_

"I know. So much for Chinese." 

**************************************** 

Spike hadn't made it out. The city was calling but right now what he needed was to drown his thoughts into some scotch and even he had to admit that the best, was here. So he made his way to the company bar to find Lorne seated there nursing a Seabreeze. Taking the next stool he motioned to the bartender. _"Scotch. Straight, keep the bottle handy, yeah?"_

_"And here I thought you'd be running off on happy memories."_ Lorne spoke into his drink. Even his voice was full of exhaustion, his shoulders slumped, it seemed he had the same idea as Spike. The need for a drink to smooth the rough edges of what they had all just heard. Spike snorted, neither he or Lorne really looked at each other yet. They needed the fuzz of alcohol, as weak as it was for their respective systems. Fist glass down he snorted and snapped his fingers to point to the glass for a refill. 

_"Saw more than we heard didn' ya? Could tell by that look you was givin' Peaches."_ Spike wasn't embarrassed by what Lorne might have seen, more wary of what the demon might try now that he knew a bit more about him. 

Lorne slid his eyes to the side and looked Spike over. Whatever he saw must have surprised him because his face softened and he sighed. _"Yeah, there's more, but isnt' there always? Things are about to get ugly, especially for the champ."_ Finishing his drink Lorne stood and gave what he hoped was a sympathetic pat on his shoulder before he left. Spike just shook his head. 

_" It's a wonder I hang around here with all this champ shit."_ he muttered. Yes, Angel had a soul, yes he was helping people. Well sort of. So did Spike and hell, Spike had died helping. Still, people would always look at Angel first. A large man, immaculately dressed in a suit, wide shoulders and empty dark eyes sat and gave a nod for his drink. 

_"Hey, it's Spike right? Forgive me for eavesdropping, not finding it easy to be the champion right now?"_

Spike glared at the man but then just rolled his shoulders and nursed his second glass of scotch. _"Peaches is the champion around here, thought everyone knew that. Angel? Ring a bell?"_ he retorted sardonically. 

_"Oh yes I know. I'm intimately acquainted with all members of staff, I'm starting work tomorrow and the Senior Partners thought it would be wise. Apolgies, my name is Marcus. I'll be the new liaison to the Senior Partners."_ He held out his hand as a matter of introduction and smiled at Spike. _"So what's this about Angel being the champion? The files were pretty clear he gave that up when he joined us. What I thought was odd was that you were here, as you are the new champion for the Powers that Be, and well you have no contract with the Senior Partners to be here."_ His smile only increased at Spike's confusion. They had a lot to talk about tonight.


End file.
